Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.
We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog. Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.
Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.
My husband gave me a necklace. It’s fake. I requested fake. Maybe I’m paranoid, but in this day and age, I don’t want something around my neck that’s worth more than my head.
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.