I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone.
No man ever quite believes in any other man. One may believe in an idea absolutely, but not in a man.
It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place.
In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican.
Man is always looking for someone to boast to; woman is always looking for a shoulder to put her head on.
When a new source of taxation is found it never means, in practice, that the old source is abandoned. It merely means that the politicians have two ways of milking the taxpayer where they had one before.
If women believed in their husbands they would be a good deal happier and also a good deal more foolish.
Morality is the theory that every human act must be either right or wrong, and that 99 % of them are wrong.
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.
It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods.
A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in.
The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.
Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.
It doesn’t take a majority to make a rebellion; it takes only a few determined leaders and a sound cause.
The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.
I believe that it is better to tell the truth than a lie. I believe it is better to be free than to be a slave. And I believe it is better to know than to be ignorant.
One may no more live in the world without picking up the moral prejudices of the world than one will be able to go to hell without perspiring.
Nine times out of ten, in the arts as in life, there is actually no truth to be discovered; there is only error to be exposed.
The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God’s children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.
Every man sees in his relatives, and especially in his cousins, a series of grotesque caricatures of himself.
Women always excel men in that sort of wisdom which comes from experience. To be a woman is in itself a terrible experience.
The worst government is often the most moral. One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane. But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.